Code Zulu Alpha: Nerd in the Apocalypse!

If it was a perfect world and I was the luckiest fucking man alive, I wouldn’t mind being with the women I care and long for but yeah, if I was given a choice, I’d 100% stick to where I was already. It was just a deep rabbit hole if I started to talk about different circumstances—because honestly, I could have gone either way with both or any of them besides Kaley and Aoi-san.

’But if this end-of-the-world thing didn’t happen, realistically speaking, there’s a higher chance I could’ve ended up with Aoi-san because I did give Kaley space when I saw her with someone else through social media from way, way~ back

Truth be told, if I just went as is, I doubt I would’ve met with the people in our circle under normal circumstances—besides a few obvious ones like Mimi, Dr. Nichols, and Chloe from my old uni—since when could someone had the chance to meet a Russian soldier, affiliates from a drug cartel, a president’s mistress, an Admiral’s daughter, etc.

In any case, I tried to engage Marisha about what I went through but since she was trying to make me see through my own eyes the mistake that I supposedly have, she was more cryptic in the advice she gave to me.

How I wish this was one of those sim games I used to play before when I could just read about her inner thoughts—but nada, and yeah, I think it was a little weird to include the mom of ma wife in this particular simulation.

Olivia cut in again though, "I mean~ Mom, isn’t it better for him to not know his weakness? Whatever it is?"

Marisha shook her head lightly, "That arrangement could work for some people but with our dear Sky over here, I think— no, I’m sure he’d love to know what it is so he could work on it."

I nodded, "I agree— though the figuring it out myself part makes my head itch a little bit."

"We still got time though, just call in if you ever have the time—"

"Nah, I’ll make time for this. Seems important now that I stumbled upon it just from trying to learn something adjacent to it. But yeah, thanks for the advice for that other thing too, Marisha. If I may ask though, have you done the same thing to Kaley and Olivia?"

Marisha chuckled as the two looked away, "I’m pretty sure you know what Kaley’s weakness is—and I’m gonna be surprised if you also knew of Olivia’s but yeah, we’ve done it in a more casual setting."

Kaley then nudged me, "So, let’s put it to a test— what do you think is my—"

"Extremely Hypersexual yet having Self-worth issues—"

Kaley got up in my face, "Yet? How are they connected?!"

"I mean— not to talk down to you or anything since we’re just having a discussion but… we’ve talked about this a lot before, actually."

"We talked about what?"

"You know, umm~ How do I put this… Ah. Let’s just say I see you as a 110— no, a 130 but you see yourself as an 80."

Kaley then harrumphed, "It’s— Isn’t it a matter of self-opinion?"

"I mean— That’s exactly it, no? Don’t get me wrong, slightly underestimating yourself has its good sides too—"

"Hah? How?"

"Well~ In a sense, this might sound bleak—but do hear me out, okay?"

"Alright, I’m listening…"

"Well, if you think you aren’t enough for something, that just breeds the desire to work on it, right? And let’s say you don’t think yourself as worthy for that particular something forever, that means you’d endlessly work on yourself to be the better you until the end."

"Ah…"

"That might sound tiring but I dunno about you, it is like working out in a sense. You might not achieve your dream physique but as you work out and look after yourself endlessly, it is doing more good than being content and then slowly letting yourself go."

"Hmm… I guess… I guess it’s one way to look at it?"

"Yeah, of course. Do know that some people don’t even work on themselves yet they feel content already. It might be a good thing—and what most of us were after—but if they’re making the scale spin three times over, it’s a totally different story in itself, no?"

"Right…" Kaley trailed as she nodded pensively.

"And yeah, I love you. Like a fucking lot. I’ll let you know you’re doing good when you’re feeling inadequate and I’ll give you some tough love when you feel alright when you’re actually letting yourself go. I’ll check you like a responsible partner would and I hope you check me as I would too."

"..."

"Isn’t that how it’s supposed to work? It’s not just blind compliments and harsh words if you take it the other way around, and I’m sure you’d take it like that some of the days, but yeah, that’s how I want us to grow."

At that point, Kaley was just staring at me before she nodded a few times, ever so slowly, but before she even began tearing up, Olivia had already latched on Marisha’s body—with her deadly grip—and she was bawling her eyes out like the first time we met in their house.

"There, there~" Marisha chuckled as she tried to comfort her daughter.

Then Kaley gave me a quick peck on the lips:

"I’m sorry, I love you, and thank you. While I appreciate your kind and affirming words for me, my issues still exists—but yeah, I am working on it. Endlessly, like you said, ahaha…"

I chuckled, "And I’ll be there for every step of the way. But yeah, why don’t I guess Olivia’s weaknesses are—"

Then Olivia suddenly twisted her neck and glared at me, "HEY! WHY ARE YOU GOING WITH A PLURAL—"

Kaley cut in after wiping her tears, "He’s not wrong…"

"You— Fine! You made me cry and that’s beautiful—and I’m actually a little jealous, but— You have to tell us what you think your weaknesses are too, okay?!"

I snorted, "Hah! That’s too easy besides the one Marisha’s making me figure out—but yeah, from the time I’ve interacted with you, let’s just say that you tend to fly off the handle a little too much, you’re too honest—and with that said, you have some trouble reading the room."

"What’s wrong with being too honest?! Isn’t that the same thing you said about being—"

I cut her off, "You’re right about that but it’s more like saying what comes to mind without thinking of how everyone might react. It’s not actually a bad thing, I prefer it more—since I’m like that too—compared to the opposite of it, but yeah, depending on the crowd, you might get more than weird looks from it.

I’m not telling you to be politically correct all the way but there’s some merit in that depending on the situation."

Marisha trailed, "Listen to him, dear…"

Olivia scratched the back of her head, "Huh. I still don’t get it though…"

I chuckled, "Just take it from me, I’ll say absurd and out-of-pocket things from time to time but I can afford it in a sense, or the people I’m telling it to could also take it. And sometimes when it just rubs them the wrong way, the trick is to really~ read the room because apologizing right after might not work."

"Huh?"

"This works less than 50% of the time but doubling down sometimes might score you a critical and you’d be closer than when you entered the room as you leave—compared to you owing the person or something because of the wrong thing that you say or did."

"Huh."

"And also, if it fails it fails. It’s better to just own up to it without being subservient to the one who got offended. It’s complicated, talking to people—at least to me—and the only way to get better at it is to do it a lot more and learn from your mistakes and successes. The trick is to know which is which, which was something I had a difficult grasp on before."

"Fine, fine. Be careful. Simple. You, maybe, have hit the nail on the head at around 40-50%, in terms of my weaknesses, but enough about me. How about you, Mr. Perfect?"

I rolled my eyes as I chuckled, "Fine, as much as I’d hate to admit, my biceps are a little lacking compared to my shoulders and my triceps—"

"Hey, that’s not—"

"Fortunately, my calves are okay since I was fat fuck growing up but my biggest problem is my appetite—"

"HEYYYY! WE’RE NOT TALKING ABOUT OUR BODIES! WE’RE TALKING ABOUT WEAKNESSES IN THE HEAD—"

"Oh," I tried to look as innocent as I could.

"YOU—"

"Isn’t it pretty obvious? I’m crazy."

"YOU HAVE TO BE MORE SPECIFIC THAN THAT! YOU DUMMY!"

"Pfft— Ahahaha! Sure. There’s a lot but I can also consider some of them my strengths. Or if you wanna see it another way, I just tend to see things another way."

"Now you’re making my head spin— I thought you just lagged or something…"

"Heh. Well to save us some time, I get easily furious when someone talks shit about my loved ones, I tend to scrounge up everything I can yet I’m a little wasteful at times, like you—I just speak out loud without thinking of the consequences, and yeah, I try to do everything at once and it would just start to overwhelm me, causing stress and lots of other shit."

"..."

"What?"

"Eh. Seems boring, for some reason."

"Olivia—/You—" Marisha and Kaley tried to cut in but I was first.

"Boring? Yeah, sure. Are you looking for some dark shit? I can tell you lots but you’d see me differently after that. Are you ready?"

"Ah— U-Umm…"

"Alright, that’s a no—"

"W-Wait! Tell me one! Just one and I’ll be okay with that! Please?!"

"You sure?"

"Really?"

"Yes!"

I scratched my head as I looked down for a bit but when I looked her in the eye and saw that she was serious, I glanced at Kaley and Marisha first before I said anything. And seeing that they were also curious as to what I would say, I just sighed and shrugged my shoulders before I opened my mouth and looked at Kaley:

"Remember when you told me that I had this gaze where it feels like I scan you from top to bottom?"

Kaley thought for a bit, "From the airport?"

"Yeah, sure." Your journey continues with empire

Olivia cut in, "What was that about?"

"Well~ You know how intrusive thoughts work, right?"

"Y-Yeah?"

"I get them from time to time like a normal person would but ever since that incident, the lines have started to blur and sometimes, I’d wonder if it was really intrusive thoughts or just my own.

Because sometimes, when I scan people, a bit of data would enter my head like their height, their probable weight, what they were wearing, hair color, eye color, their three measurements, etc., but more often than not, I’d see blade paths without even thinking of ’em consciously."

"Blade paths?" Olivia asked as she tilted her head.

I tried my best not to turn my killing intent on as I stared right at her, "You know, the paths my blade could take to go through your body—and depending on my mood, it could be the most brutal one or the most efficient one.

And let me tell you, sometimes, it just looks so perfect that it would’ve been a shame if I didn’t act on it—but before I do said stupid shit, I’ll see your faces and it’ll turn back to normal."

Marisha cut in, "Was there… Was there a time when… W-When it didn’t return to normal?"

"No."

"I see. So they are still intrusive thoughts."

"Having murder on my mind?"

Olivia never looked so amused, "Isn’t that a song?"

"Pfft… Olivia, stop…" Kaley chuckled as she looked away.

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